The value of moving past "what if?"
Will this kill me? What is beyond the fear of the unknown?
On the most recent INSPIRE and ENVISION goddess retreat last week, we went deep into clearing energetic blocks and old limiting beliefs and distracters like... what if??
I want to share some of the ways we moved together in to more space and adventure of the unknown and how to embrace it rather than shut down your DESIRE for more of what you want.
I could make this post quite short by saying what most people writing about "what if?" they say: "do it".
I say: wait. Pause and allow the curiosity and question of "what if?" to become illuminated by a little more digging "the process of which I'll explain now.
I have been a "BIG choice" , make or break, will this kill me kind of cross roads many times, no matter what business I was creating and the nagging voice of doubt and resistance always comes up.
Things like -
When I was in the furniture manufacturing industry I had a supplier that was not delivering what he promised. I wondered - should I continue on the way I have been or try something that would be quite unpopular with my supplier but be more favorable for my clients? What if I tried this or that? What if I did nothing? Should I get a day job? Was that even an option?
I went in circles. After a lot of "what if" asking I started to ask "why". Why can't I make a choice, settle on a direction and move forward? Get me out of the crazy, monkey mind that drives me crazeeeee!!
Let's look at why we don't do things for a moment, before we jump to conclusions like: "just do it."
(Be sure to read to the very bottom because I've got a giveaway from some people I am chuffed to call colleagues and friends - totally free, just requires an end to a 'what if')
We generally stop short of action after a "what if" in our business or life as a result of some perceived harm.
In my experience there are three categories I can group harm into:
Physical - like actually taking a kick in the teeth
Emotional - like my ego getting kicked in the teeth
Financial - like not being able to get my teeth fixed
When I slow down, get really present and ASK questions...... go deep in to the current challenge, the block, the resistance i noticed that the "breathing space" of getting clarity on what was really going on behind the true hesitation of making a decision. Around coming to some estimation of the answers to my "what if" questions, I found these to be my answers:
What if I make a change unpopular with my partners but popular with our clients?
Physical - No physical harm would come to me.
Emotional - I was afraid of how one certain partner would react and I did not want to engage in a very confrontational discussion about what I knew to be the right strategic decision for the business. I knew he would rally others around me to try and get them to persuade me to change my mind. It would be a battle from many sides.
Financial - unproven strategy however all of the estimates, market research and analysis supported a better financial outcome if I made the change. So no potential harm was known to exist.
What if I did nothing, stay the course and make no change?
Physical - No physical harm would come to me.
Emotional - My ego was being damaged because I was losing confidence in my ability to run the business as a result of failing to address problems.
Financial - The current model was not working and although I was not out of money yet, money would become scarce if I did not do something. Each month was proving this. I was slipping into "ignorance is bliss" avoidance of opening financial statements. Never a good place to be.
On paper the decision is clear. Make the change. Deal with avoiding that confrontational transition and situation with the supplier. Move on and adapt. Head out of sand, eyes into focus.
In reality harder to do. But I did it. I got to the other side, passed the "what if" and landed squarely into "why didn't I do this sooner?".
If understanding the biases behind your "what if" stagnation is not enough I can offer you one more thing. The tool I use to get to the other side of "what if" when logic isn't enough. I call it therelief winch.
In case you never got stuck on the side of a logging road in the forest somewhere and have no idea what a winch is (from my construction years I am very familiar with winches), a winch is essentially a powerful engine with a long cable wound around a spool and a hook on the end of the cable. To use the winch, you draw the cable around something strong and hook it to the thing that is stuck, then the start up the engine. The engine slowly pulls, pulls, pulls the stuck object by leveraging the strong object.
The strong object is the relief you will feel when your "what if" turns into a "why didn't I do this sooner?".
The magic, the reason my tool works. Being able to actually experience the relief of both options and weigh them relative to each other. Free of bias.
Check out the steps below to do it for yourself.
Four steps to move past "what if":
1- Take your "what if" and brutally, honestly, answer the three category harm question above. Physical. Emotional. Financial.
2- Take a coin and imagine that one side is doing the "what if" and the other side is not doing it. Except instead of imagining having to actually do the work involved, imagine how you will feel when it is all said and done. How you will feel when the result of the decision has been achieved.
Flip the coin.
Your gut will automatically tell you which decision you know to be the right one (given you honestly answered per #1 above prior to flipping the coin)
3- If you did not get the side of the coin you wanted, flip it until you do. Sit in the feeling of that outcome. Seriously.
4- Draw the winch around that feeling of relief, elation, focus, direction, accomplishment or whatever else it was that you got when the coin read the thing you need to do. Hook that cable up to you. Now, pull yourself through the difficult part that kept you in "what if" by staying anchored by and leveraging off of the feeling you know you will have on the other side. Safe, on the other side. Where you will say you wish you had done it sooner.
The truth is, ignoring discomfort does not make it go away. Asking "what if" seldom does anything about the issue and often it only serves to build fear around making a decision.
It is only in breaking our estimates and assumptions around the "what if" down into manageable sizes and affixing the outcome we want to something that will help pull is through that we have a chance in moving beyond wondering. Waiting and more wondering. Only then do we have a chance at getting to the other side. To results.
In the spirit of getting past "what if" and on to what you want,
PS - If you feel like you are stuck in 'what if' around what you want to do with your life and business ...if you know you want things to be different...whether you've got an idea burning in your mind or you don't know what business you'll start.....whether you have an existing business that is struggling or if it is you who is struggling....
The Diamond YOUniversity has various programs to assist you in owning your diamond genius zone and living it in consistently!
If this message is connecting with you and you want to connect to me and a community of others like you, people with ambition who simply need a guide, please take a moment to consider the cost of staying in 'what if' and think about what the experience of joining the DU will do for you.
How can I be of greater contribution to you today and in the future??
You can start by saying YES to you and book a complimentary CLARITY breakthrough session here:http://wwwsarahjanediamond.com