What is a Family constellation?
Why Is The Past So Important? We
live our life forward, but understand it backward.
Nothing is more important than belonging, we may not
know this consciously but unconsciously this is our
biggest pull. Sometimes, however, our way of belonging
is to suffer like those who came before us. We may
become entangled in the difficult fate of a past
family member, and unconsciously draw unhappiness,
failure, addiction or illness into our own life. The
purpose of a family constellation is to reveal that
hidden dynamic and point the way toward resolution.
We are all born into a family, and this comes with both
blessings and circumstances, or fate, that remains in
the energetic field of the family system from generation
Over 50 years ago, Bert Hellinger came to South Africa,
Natal, as a missionery, and lived with the Zulus for
many years. He learned the importance of honouring our
ancestors and believed that:
the peace of the dead depends on the living, and the
wellness of the living is dependent on the dead.
Hellinger returned to Germany, where he became a
psychotherapist, and discovered that more than 70% of
the issues that his clients suffered from were not due
to psychological reasons, but systemic ones. He coined
the term systemic family constellations to encapsulate
the essence of his work - therapy that focuses on the
individual in a family system, which has a collective
conscience, or soul.
Bert told Ulsamer in his book: You cant have wings if
you dont have roots elaborates -
family family soul or a strong inner bond, regardless
of what it looks like from the outside, or if the family
members are aware of this or not. Everything that is
suppressed by the family does not disintegrate or
disappear, but remains in the energetic field of the
family system, and the newer members of the family, the
children, feel this energy, and live it out. A child
gets entangled with their ancestors, meaning they take
on the behaviour, feeling or fate of a family member.
In a constellation, it becomes clear how loyal we are to
our families of origin, irrespective of the story you
tell yourself and others how you dont get on with one
or both parents, or a family member, irrespective of the
distance you have put between yourself and a family
member, in order to be free. You can be on a different
continent physically or emotionally, but this only
aggravates suffering. The way forward is to make peace
with our parents, even if they have died. A
constellation shows, how much our need to belong
influences our actions in life.
Often these actions develop into destructive patterns
and we are usually unaware how our unconscious attempts
to balance energies in our families keep us from living
A child takes on the behaviour fate and feelings of a
family member or ancestor out of "blind" love and
loyalty to their family. It is often the child who is
capable of the deepest love that does this. In effect,
the child unconsciously takes on behaviour that tries to
restore order in the family so love can flow. E.g.
He/she takes on the identity of a child who has died
tragically and not been mourned and grieved for, in
place of the parents grieving .